


I spy

by withered



Series: In another life [7]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Agent Barnes, Alternative Timeline, Hacking, Instant Messaging, M/M, SHIELD plays wingman, Spying, Tony Stark is Iron man (in a way), Tony likes to make people's lives difficult, Tony uses SHIELD like Tinder, prompt: TSA agent falls in love with the person they spy on
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-23
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2019-05-13 02:50:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14740637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/withered/pseuds/withered
Summary: Bucky couldn’t stand his job.He’s hardly unique in that department, but god does he hate his job. It ranks higher than his previous gig at Hydra Communications, and then his brief – very brief – stint at Hammer Corp, by a mile, but a pain in the ass was a pain in the ass, and SHIELD Intel is a pain in the ass like every other.Especially when one of the people he's tasked with spying on happens to be Tony Stark.





	I spy

**Author's Note:**

> My writer's block is a monster, here, have a thing.

 

Bucky couldn’t stand his job.

He’s hardly unique in that department, but _god_ _does he hate his job_. It ranks higher than his previous gig at Hydra Communications, and then his brief – _very brief_ – stint at Hammer Corp, by a mile, but a pain in the ass was a pain in the ass, and SHIELD Intel is a pain in the ass like every other.

Unfortunately, despite his immense distaste for the tech and intelligence-gathering industry that he’s been a part of for the better half of the last ten years, Bucky is resigned to it. There weren’t many companies or industries out there willing to take in a one-armed vet with a history of violent outbursts and PTSD.

At least with SHIELD Intel, he wasn’t left doing cold calls all day while surreptitiously watching his soul drain away with every ticking of the clock.

Hydra Communications claimed it was doing him a favor by keeping him in a “calm” environment, all while making sure Bucky could hear his cubical mates having panic attacks over targets they couldn’t reach. Hammer Corp only had him in the call center because, quote, “you have a voice like molasses over a gravel road”, and Bucky didn’t have any proof, but he was sure Justin was trying to direct him towards the “Sex hotline” division of his daddy’s company.

At least SHIELD Intel had an original base with the security industry, even if his job was essentially to read other people’s emails which may or may not be why he couldn’t stand his job.

“I feel like a peeping Tom,” he complained.

“Why,” his sister asked, straightening, “is there Toms worth peeping?”

He huffed out a breath, “Laila.”

“Don’t take my fantasies away from me, they’re all I have. Besides, you won’t even tell me what you do,” she reminded with a sniff. “Except read emails like a peeping Tom.”

His forehead met the kitchen table with an audible _thump_. Muffled against the wood, he repeated just as she did, “It’s classified.”

Peeking up at her from his position, her brows quirked in challenge. “Is it really scandalous shit?” She began in a conspiratorial whisper, her Heterochromia eyes widening with each suggestion, “Like people sleeping with each other’s wives? Embezzlement? Drugs? Dog fighting? _Murder?_ ”

When he raised his head to properly deadpan, she mocked with him, “It’s classified.” She huffed. “Big brother, no offense, but you’re a buzzkill. I can’t empathize with you if you insist on being boring.”

Insist wasn’t even an option, his job _was boring._

Being called, “Agent Barnes” may sound official, but he was in actuality a glorified pencil pusher that wrote reports on whether Obadiah Stane was blackmailing his newest “genius” acquisitions (he was) and whether _in Bucky’s professional opinion he could get away with it_ (he wouldn’t, if Bucky had to fill up another fifty reports for _something_ to happen to that walking turd stick).

At least, he comforted himself that he was doing some good in the world in _some_ way.

SHIELD Intel worked in conjunction with the Justice Department on some pretty shady shit, though fortunately, it hadn’t gotten to levels of monitoring everyone’s online presence – the average Joe wasn’t on SHIELD’s radar – and in that, Bucky comforted himself that his peeping wasn’t for reprehensible purposes. If anything, he was just keeping an eye on the people that landed on his pile, usually people marked as “suspected” or “potentials”, and some of them weren’t even that bad compared to Stane.

For example Justin Hammer, his former employer was shady and unoriginal, but ultimately harmless. Guilty of several embezzlement charges, but harmless.

Stephen Strange, a hotshot doctor; was a huge douchebag, but also completely clean with no red in his ledger to speak of besides his unfailingly enormous ego.

And, Tony Stark, who was…all sorts of trouble.

See, Bucky’s had about a year to get over his “peeping Tom” hang up, but Tony Stark was a situation onto himself, and why Bucky dreaded his job as of late.

It wasn’t even because he was as bad as Stane.

On the contrary, the billionaire-genius-playboy-philanthropist was a sterling example of his species, at the very least his kidnapping in 2008 made it so.

In a cave after months of torture by terrorists, Tony Stark created the Iron Man suit out of junk, fought his way out and then proceeded to go on a year’s long mission to seek and destroy all his old weapons sold under the table by the same Obadiah Stane that wasn’t currently in jail (Bucky was working on it), all while redirecting his company’s efforts and rebranding from Weapons’ Giant to Green Energy Grand-Wizard.

By 2010, Tony had the Iron Legion out into the world for reconstruction and disaster relief efforts, and the United States Government couldn’t touch him no matter how many times senators tried to throw their toys out of the cot to get their hands on his tech.

Which was why SHIELD had his file on Bucky’s desk.

At first, Tony was clearly annoyed by the privacy intrusion, but as he informed via hacked-messenger alias later, _negativity never got me anywhere._

Bucky was treated with gifs of the genius putting things in a microwave and watching them explode to fourth-grade science projects of volcanos erupting, seemingly in retribution for the government (and SHIELD) wanting him to build bombs.

Then, Tony seemed to bore with those and moved onto pretending to be working very hard on creating weapons, only for Bucky and his superiors to end up spending four hours watching him try and put an IKEA bookshelf together.

At one stage, he left several promising incomplete formulas and math equations on a whiteboard that Bucky had worked through, and he’d been seemingly rewarded by a mixture of watching Tony cook (which he’d like to inform, he wasn’t actually bad at), to dancing around to Eye of Tiger in his socks and boxers after the floor was recently polished. (Bucky may have saved that clip for his own personal amusement) and lip syncing to Total Eclipse of the Heart.

And continuing on that train, the recent report on Tony’s activities from this morning: _A purchase order for_ _rope, body paint, an assortment of lube flavors and a super-sized pack of condoms;_ as well as a google search for _things not to say on a first date._

Jesus.

In the messenger tab meant for everyone else on the intelligence gathering floor, an Arc Reactor icon blinked with a new response and Bucky tried not to smile.

_Not to brag, but I’ve got ninety-percent success rate with this kind of thing._

_Only ninety,_ he couldn’t help but reply, _what happened to the other ten?_

_Well he’s not getting the message_

_He?_

_Don’t tell me – you’re one of those guys who believe bisexuality is a phase_ Not a minute later he added, _you’re breaking my heart, Gorgeous._

Bucky snorted, wiping his face with his hands as if it could get rid of the reddening in his cheeks.

When Tony finally tired of being a nuisance with no one to appreciate his genius ( _Where’s the fun if I can’t revel? I could hack the camera and watch your suffering, but where’s the challenge in that? Talk to me, Handsome, I know Fury wouldn’t have assigned you to me if you didn’t have a sense of humor),_ he reached out. In Bucky’s defense, he’d done his best to keep it professional – he didn’t reply to any of the messages, he taped out the camera on his computer and even filed a report with the department.

He’d already failed on the no-communication front about a month in, and Agent Hill sympathetically informed him that everyone else in the department wasn’t authorized for Tony’s clearance level and that everyone else had already given up on trying to keep tabs on the “Iron Man”.

His only saving grace was the camera being taped over, though Bucky hadn’t put it past Tony to already know what he looked like and was teasing him anyway.

Not that Tony was particularly cruel.

Though, when he was in the mood, he could be.

Just last week when Bucky had to take a few days off to keep an eye on Laila after an altercation with the guy who owned the old-fashioned theatre down the road – “A prank war with Loki, are you serious?”, “God of Mischief, _my ass._ ” – Bucky’s replacement had lasted all of twenty minutes on “Tony Watch” before placing in a request for medical leave.

_You are breaking my heart, aren’t you?_

_About being one of those guys who don’t believe in bisexuality?_ Bucky sent, before responding, _I just didn’t believe you because I thought you were pan_

 _I am,_ and Bucky must have either been projecting, or he knew Tony entirely too well for a relationship based almost completely on reading his emails and spying on him through his webcam (totally not creepy, and totally not something he did for the rest of his case files, but Tony was a special case and – oh yeah this breeches _so many privacy laws)_ because somehow Bucky could tell the little two word phrase seemed happy.

_Oh good, so I know two of you_

_Oh, he my type?_ Tony ribbed, and Bucky could practically see him lifting his brows in suggestion, and – damn it, I’m not turning on the webcam to look at him – just, _no._

 _Four’s a crowd. Besides, Pete is pretty territorial for a geek, though if you really wanted in, I’d suggest you sweet talk Nes, she’s a softie under all those piercings and snark,_ Wade would be all-in of course because who didn’t want to bone Tony Stark?

Trick question.

And also part of what made this job such a fucking pain in the ass.

Whoever heard of falling for a guy that you spy on? What kind of low-budget spy flick was Bucky starring in?

_You’ve given this a lot of thought, did you want to get in on that, Handsome?_

_Nah, I don’t like to share._ And even in a fantasy world where he could get Tony Stark to _consider_ dating him, there was nothing appealing about sharing him with anyone.

_Good to know, Good Looking._

It took another ten minutes wherein Bucky tried his damnest to do his job – reading over invoices, tracing them and starting the report on them (he really was going to have to write “dildo” on this report to Hill, wasn’t he?) before the Arc Reactor icon blinked with a new message:

_So, what are you doing?_

_Writing “dildo” on this report of your invoices, by the way, why??_

_Did I buy a dildo or why am I asking?_

_Both, both are good._

_Because I saw one I just had to get – reminded me of you actually. You said you got a metal arm, well guess what this bad boy looks like?_

_A metal arm?_

_Close, so close._

_You realize just because my arm is metal doesn’t mean my dick is_

_Well, it goes from your wrist to your elbow so I figure it’s close enough ;)_

Jesus titty fucking Christ.

 _As for why I’m asking, what’s wrong with that? I can’t know about your day? I can’t care about what you do?_ Bucky’s seen enough of Tony’s interactions with one, Colonel Rhodes, to know that Tony’s really laying it on thick with the whining.

_Well my job is to spy on you_

_You’re terrible at it_

_I am not, the fact that you know is irrelevant, I’m still technically doing what I’m supposed to_ , is something he regularly comforted himself with. Even when Bucky issued that report, Fury had grumbled, “Motherfucker” and declared someone watching Tony was better than no one watching Tony.

Agent Hill rolled her eyes so hard she probably saw her brain.

_True, but you could be doing it anywhere – haven’t you ever thought about taking work home with you?_

_Are you saying I spy on you at home?_

_Most people just call it phone sex, but I mean if you really want to be accurate ;)_

Bucky did a valiant job of ignoring the tightening in his pants because for all that Hammer had gone on about his “molasses over a gravel road” voice, Tony talking lowly into his ear about _hydraulic suspension_ to someone who _couldn’t even appreciate it, what the fuck, Reed Richards?_ was enough to get Bucky to blow his load.

 _You know, of course, that I only read your emails,_ he was quick to defend.

_And occasionally watch me from my webcam?_

_To be fair you got a shipment of Vibranium and the higher-ups wanted to know what you were doing with it._ Creating a prosthetic arm that gave them the middle finger on command was not what they expected.

_And that time you gave me cooking advice?_

_Who cooks in their lab???_ Entirely Bucky’s fault, in his defense, Tony did mention he was cooking and that seemed like a bad idea based on its own merits. _Besides, the spaghetti tasted good, right?_

 _Like Mama used to make it._ He huffed out a triumphed smirk, and a second later, Tony added, _Ooh, I can mention that on my date, I’m a great cook_

_With the help of the weird guy that watches you from your computer_

_Not a deal breaker when you’re on the date, Handsome_

_You asking me on a date?_

_Kind of was with the Google search and the Amazon purchases_

Swallowing the ball of saliva in his throat, Bucky glanced over his shoulder – as if Agent Hill would appear out of thin air and pistol whip him for even _considering –_

_That’s presumptuous of you_

_Which part, the ropes, the body paint or the super pack of condoms?_

_That you could possibly say anything that could ruin a first date_

_Oooohh, smooth – though not as smooth as this._

“Barnes.”

Bucky practically leaped out of his chair, eyes wide and cheeks crimson as he stared down Director Fury who was, as per usual, in his unique blend of pirate-gangster-secret-organization-head-honcho getup.

“Sir?”

“You’re being reassigned.”

“Director, I- what?”

“You’re gonna get us intel on this date with Stark.” He paused. “Change your shirt, you look like a college drop out.”

“I don’t -”

“He’s picking you up in twenty. Get your ass in gear.”

Still startled and a few shades of confused, Bucky approached the computer, grabbed the microphone and peeled off the camera to peer in and ask, “Did you just bribe the director with information to pimp me out?”

“…I may have.”

He exhaled.

“You’re ridiculous.”

A second later, as someone opened his office door, left a neatly pressed button-up on the handle, Bucky added, “You could’ve just used Tinder.”

“I could, but this way I’ve got the whole of SHIELD Intel playing your wingman,” Tony informed with a snicker. “Plus, I find it funny to watch Hill’s head spin three hundred and sixty degrees every time you hand in your report about me.”

“You realize now I have to write about what we do, right?”

“That could be fun,” Tony declared with a devilish twinkle in his eye, gaze so heated Bucky could practically feel it warming the obvious tent in his pants. “You can let her know how we made use of that recent purchase of mine.”

Bucky may just hate his job for an entirely different reason now.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. Laila is one of the lovely people from the TSHS so a special thanks to @Wakandan_Wardog for the opportunity to kidnap her.  
> 2\. Eye of the Tiger dance moves inspired by Dean Winchester in that one episode.  
> 3\. Total Eclipse of the Heart inspired by that one chapter in Aliska's Winter's End
> 
> [Buy me a coffee or reblog my fic](https://everything-withered.tumblr.com/)


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